She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
