PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
