Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
