we have pet lesbian snakes
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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