He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Damn victory sex feels great
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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