If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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