i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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