if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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