I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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