I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize