I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I party with great urgency now.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
