Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize