he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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