I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
