Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
