Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
