my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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