So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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