happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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