I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm getting married
To pizza
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
