i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
