My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Damn victory sex feels great
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