i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
