Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
