So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
