Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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