is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Randomize
