we made out on top of his cat.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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