i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
