I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
