Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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