Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It's blow job season.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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