and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
don't judge my taste in strippers
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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