Michael Bay diarrhea
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
