Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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