I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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