I love black thongs
only you would photoshop your dick
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
