I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
