TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
zippers are such a cool invention
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
