Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We had to coat check the pizza.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
