Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
