She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
