im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize