Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
