There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The Olympian is in my bed
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
