I faked an abortion last night.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
