I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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