the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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