question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
All the doctor said was why
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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