Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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