She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It's official drugs can't kill me
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
