well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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