Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
