Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
