I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
