why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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