We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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