Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
