Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
