i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
