i think my tv is drunk
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
