She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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