You really coming over, don't trick.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
