Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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