wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
