There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
