I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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