I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
