well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
